Utility Belts
I like having a utility belt. I like it so much, I always wear two with my formal attire. To be honest, sometimes I just wear one over my pajamas because they’re so convenient. I have everything I’ll ever need on me at all times, and within easy reach. I have my smoke bombs, some ammo clips, some quarters and Canadian money (machines can’t tell the difference, so I get cheaper soda with Canadian coins!), some smokes*, and lighter, and some zinc lozenges.
The downside of having a utility belt, however, is that it’s like having a junk drawer with you at all times. Don’t know where to put that business card just yet? Into the utility belt! Don’t know where to throw out that gum? Into the utility belt! Religious fanatic hand you a pamphlet but you don’t want to be rude and just throw it out in front of her, but don’t know what else to do? Utility belt!
As you can imagine, it’s getting increasingly difficult to find things in the pouches. I haven’t been able to find my keys for a few days, so I’ve been leaving my suite unlocked. I think I have some condoms in there, too. Somewhere.
I was going to clean out the pouches and reorganize everything tonight but I spent WAY too much time with the Groundhog Day special edition features and documentaries. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “My copy of Groundhog Day doesn’t have that!” - and you’re right. I had my vipers kidnap Bill Murray so he could tell me all about what it was like filming the movie. I think it kind of weirded him out but to make it up to him I gave him a bottle of Maker’s Mark and sent him on his merry way.
*Yes, I smoke. Are you surprised? It’s a filthy habit, I know. I’m trying to stop, it’s just… It’s just not that easy. I’m a stress basket.
