‘Round the Terrordrome, things can get dangerous on Easter Weekend. The Vipers have started their annual Easter Egg Land Mine Hunt. I’ve cleverly placed hundreds of chocolate eggs around the base and one of them is in fact a land mine. No one has found it yet. (It is in Serpentor’s quarters - a safe distance away from where I am now).
If Serpentor does not chance upon his Easter Gift today, no matter. Later this afternoon we’re putting on a charity play at the Roman Catholic Church up the road and Serpentor has insisted he play Jesus Christ. He’s been practicing all week, saying things like, “Son, this is your mother. THIS I COMMAND!” and other such nonsense. He also appears to be unaware that Jesus dies during the Passion Play, which is good, because I also plan to actually kill him during the performance. I’ll let you know how it goes.
I just called one for shits because he emailed me. I think it freaked him out a little but and now he’s on a tight deadline to turnaround the article because of me.
I love being even, even when it’s in subtle ways.
I just caught myself saying “THIS I COMMAND!” in a non-ironic way. I need a new catchphrase. You know, one other than, “COBRA! RETREAT!”
Speaking of, the battle against the Joes went swimmingly yesterday. No one was shot on either side, but we made a ton of things explode. Here’s hoping Spring comes soon. I look forward to more fights.
I’ve been waking up every day thinking, hoping that it was Friday morning. Today it actually was. What a horrible week. I don’t think much more can go worse. Earlier on the Dreadnoks went and got themselves stuck in the air vents. Zartan got stuck first, because he was trying to spy on me (he likes watching me change for some reason - weirdo). Then the others tried to get him out, each one getting stuck himself. It was a long night Wednesday hearing their bickering echo through the ventilation system. They thought I couldn’t hear them.
We ended up having to remove the entire section of vents just to get them out. And I was left with no heat at night, so I had to sleep with my electric blanket. You know, the one that tried to electricute me on Thursday.
Sigh.
An entire squadron of B.A.T.s malfunctioned today. It was a calamity catalyzed by another malfunctioning device: The Broadcast Energy Transmitter. I was trying to demonstrate the various household applications for the device, and during a segment called “Making Toast For Forty Thousand Troops,” I accidentally hit an override button.
Why is it right next to the “broil” button? Maybe some of you Joes would like to explain that. For the record, I never wanted to steal this stupid thing. I was happy with my plan, which was to instigate mind control via reality televsion.
So uh… is it Friday yet? I need to get my drink on.
“ Two words: Toilet Catapult
— My contribution to today’s ‘Ridiculously Hilarious Weapons To Conquer The World With’ PowerPoint presentation. You wouldn’t believe how long it took me to find a good clipart of that.
Snake Eyes was one of the people who sent me a Valentine. He told me not to sleep because he was coming to get me, but looks like he stood me up. Probably for that harlot Scarlett.
If he comes to get me, I hope the first stop on our date is to grab some ice cream.
Got to the cafeteria too late to get in on the brownie + Jell-o dessert combo so I had to shiv a henchman for it. He was going to give me his dessert anyway, but I had to act all tough to make sure everyone knows who’s in charge of this operation. Can’t have any sort of dissention in the ranks. This isn’t the United States government, here.
On that note, I do still hate Serpentor and will one day kill him.
