Two videos of me playing and talking about video games have surfaced. The stuff I do to avoid jail time! In all honesty this was pretty cool. Destro hooked me up with this Canadian camera crew. They were jerks but I gave them wedgies afterward. They obviously didn’t show that part in these videos that they edited. Have to get my hands on the raw footage for this one.
Video 1:
Video 2:
I’ve been so busy scheming ways to make money the legitimate, old-fashioned way (buying bad mortgages and reselling them at thrice the price, thereby ensuring destruction of the world’s economy) that I have forgotten that I sometimes like to write down my thoughts in this little blog.
What’s on my mind right now is how my bathtub managed to get a hairball the size of a cat in its drain.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t jazzed about this new G.I. Joe DVD set coming out that puts the whole series in a massive 17-disc collection.
But I am not lying when I say that series depicts me in an unflattering light. But at least I look cool.
I am weak, but at least I have some protein in me.
For the past few months I’ve been having problems with my digestion. I chalked it up to the fact that I always eat everyone’s leftovers on Bacon Days in the cafeteria, but when I was backed up days after Bacon Days, I realized something had to be done.
Tomax showed me this infomercial where this man who yells at the camera tells viewers how full of crap they are. You can’t make this stuff up! Well, actually evidently you can make this up, because Dr. Mindbender told me that all your poop comes out eventually anyway. He muttered, “like when you die” under his breath but I pretended not to notice. So there you go. Those folks on the TV are lying to you about your insides, and yet I’m the bad guy!
Anyhow, weeks into this vegetarian thing and I seem to be doing all right. I just really miss the bacon sometimes.
As I haven’t been on the Tumblr in so long, I was suprised to see this new thing called “Tumblarity” in my dashboard. What really sucks is that it has a big zero beside it. What does this even mean? Are they just trying to make me feel bad? Time to hit the bottle of Jack.
Destro showed me my web stats today and it looks like many readers search for “Cobra Commander Catch Phrase” and end up here. And a large portion of peons believe that Serpentor’s stupid catch phrase is in fact mine. It is not!
Confused, Destro and I tried to decide what my catchphrase actually is and we’ve narrowed it down to two possibilities:
Has anybody seen Storm Shadow? He said he had some unfinished business to take care of but that was days ago. Should we be checking the bathrooms, hospitals, alleyways?
Truthfully I wouldn’t care so much but he owes me fifty bucks, the louse.
I have a bit of a confession to make. Every night, after dinner is served and the troops are getting ready to get back to their stations, I walk through the lunch room in civvies (not to be confused with Skivvies) to see if any of the vipers opted not to eat their desserts. This weekend the desert were tiny fudge brownies, and now I have enough of them to weigh down a Flight Pod.
I plan on rationing them for the rest of the week. I’m somewhat dreading going back to the office tomorrow because who knows what Serpentor screwed up on his weekend duties. Last week he managed to take out the DSL - again - by throwing snakes in the server room. It’s almost like he’s trying to make my life a living hell.
That reminds me, I still have to kill him.
The Joes just attacked in the middle of my Golden Girls marathon. I started one and made everyone watch along in memory of Bea Arthur. We went on a few dates back in the ’70s. When people you’ve dated start to die of old age, it really makes you think. I mean, I’ve dated some women before and they’re dead but that was my doing. Old age… that ain’t right.
Now the AV equipment is all messed up and the screening room is a mess. I’m covered in blood (not mine) and there’s urine in my pants (mine).
I find myself unable to recall my email password again. I’m having the worst day.
